Women have been putting their health and livelihood on the line for centuries in order to be beautiful. That’s crazy, you may say to yourself. However, how crazy is it really?

• Makeup- many of the makeup currently on the shelves have not been evaluated by the FDA, and may not only be carcinogenic, but may cause other health issues, including abnormal pregnancy.
• Tanning- 95 percent of American’s understand the risks (cancer, premature aging, etc.) of tanning. However, over half still do it because it makes them feel beautiful.
• Tattooing and Body Piercing- This is a popular fad, yet some tattoo artists do not use safe inks (car paint, industrial-grade pigment, etc.), and there is always a possibility of acquiring hepatitis B, C, or HIV.
• Botox- Botulism has been used in toxic warfare, and today, people insert it into their skin as if it were candy. It may not be fatal, but by some cultural standards, this practice would be considered crazy.

Spiritual awakening occurs when we push past the middlemen that tell us what to see and think, and take it upon ourselves to find the true meaning of life. Our boss may tell us it is about hard work, diligence, and paid vacations. The media may describe it as iPhone’s, great sex, and a good insurance policy. However, once you get these voices out of your head, and find a place where you can sit alone and contemplate, suddenly a deeper appreciation begins to surface.

“It is not so much that the place heals us—it is our reaction to the place that heals us,” describes J.Z. Knight, a mystic, teacher (Ramtha’s School of Enlightenment), author, and featured expert in the 2004 film, What the Bleep Do We Know? “There is a restorative essence in nature that causes us to look at our life, and discover why it is a privilege to be alive.” And with that introduction, I invite you to pack your worries, fears, and nagging conscience, as I whisk you away to thirteen of the most spiritually inspiring destinations of a lifetime. An experience which will include the five elements of life: earth, air, fire, water, and self.

EARTH

(Nurtured Healing, Grounded by Mother Nature’s Enduring Stability)

Makgadikgadi Salt Pans, Botswana

“Makgadikgadi? he asked. What’s out there? Nothing, they said. Only idiots go out there. Fine, he said. That’s the place for me,” describes Gabriele Klink, about the founder of Jack’s Camp, one of the few places to stay in the Salt Pans. In biblical scripture, the desert is described as a wasteland leading to the garden of the promise land. The Pans are about as barren as one can get, offering 12,000 square Kilometers of nothing but salt. They are located on the edge of Botswana’s Kalahari Desert, and are not easy to miss.

What is so inspiring about this barren wasteland, scattering its fossil mine of earth and bone to the wind? Each season, sometime between September and March, the rain will find its way to the Makgadikgadi Pans. When this happens, the sand sheets turn to grass, zebras and wildebeest come to graze, flamingos travel to nest, and the once lunar landscape bustles with life. The same thing is true for the human spirit. When we allow ourselves isolation and contemplation, alone in our thoughts, we invigorate the heart, renewing our spirits. Nowhere in the world can someone achieve such peace, the kind of harmony where you can sit and listen to your own hair grow, than at the Makgadikgadi Pans. There are two ways to get here. One, through the vessels of your own mind. Two, through Unchartered Africa Safari (www.unchartedafrica.com), the only operator with permanent camps in the area.

Nazca Lines, Peru

Your journey begins with a bumpy, four hour bus trip from Lima, of which you will see nothing but red desert and plastic bottles and trash caught along the sand drifts. You are loaded into a rickety, five seat propeller plane, thinking to yourself, What the hell am I doing out here? Then you’re whooshed into the air, and suddenly the dark sand and lighter subsoil begin to form a drawing of a monkey, spider, hummingbird, and astronaut figure. These are the Nazca Lines of Peru, and they can only be seen from an aircraft. “Seeing the lines and figures really makes you wonder how and why the people did this?” confesses VJ Sleight, entrepreneur (Stopsmokingstayquit), author, and two-time cancer survivor. There are a number of theories, including, they were used as landing strips for ancient astronauts, designed for ceremonial flights in primitive hot air balloons, and drawn for the god’s viewing entertainment, as an offering in exchange for immortality.

AIR

(Breath of Body and Soul)

Mount Rainier, Washington State

The greatest spiritual destinations in the world are often among high elevations, where we discover just how small we really are. “Mount Rainier is one of the most breathtaking places in the natural world,” explains Knight. “It is so abundant in life and beauty—I have found that in this environment, the consciousness of nature is more profound for cleansing and getting in touch with ourselves.” Mount Rainier, located in Washington state (USA), is an example of the true capabilities of nature’s paintbrush. It’s massive body extends 14,411 feet into the air, with permanent snow fields and glaciers highlighting its deep crevasses. However, as beautiful and majestic as the mountain ranges in North America are, two of the most inspiring landmarks are found in South America and Asia.

Machu Picchu, Peru and Emei Shan, China

Machu Picchu is a mountain peak located in the Andean Mountains of Peru. Hidden within the clouds and green forests, lies this sacred city once inhabited by the Incas. A city whose walls were so well concealed, it is the only remaining Inca civilization that was not destroyed by the Spaniards. Not much is known about its architecture, other than it was constructed of massive, individual stones. Each one dragged up the mountain, and hand chiseled to a precise fit not even a knife blade could penetrate. Emei Shan is one of four holly Buddhist Mountains in China. It offers four spiritual feasts to the eyes, including the Golden Summit Sunrise, Buddha’s Halo (arc shaped rainbow), The Devine Lights (orbs of light rising after an evening rain), and the Sea of Clouds (vast accumulation of thick, rolling cloud formations).

Glastonbury, England

Glastonbury, England, presents a number of unexplained enigma’s, including crop circles, Stonehenge, and the Glastonbury Tor. “Mysteries, like Glastonbury, invigorate the spiritual mind,” says Knight. “They give us the energy to heal ourselves and be restored.” The Tor, is an extinct island, which once overlooked acres of marshy, shallow sea, mist, and fog. Over the centuries as the land dried, the island became a conical hill. Growing out of its 521 foot high peak, is the ancient remains of a fourteenth century chapel. The Celts believed the mound of earth below Glastonbury Tor, was a gateway to the underworld, where the Holly Grail was buried. Its previous name may have been the Island of Avalon, where King Arthur sought healing, and would later be laid to rest. Regardless of your belief, the area offers a powerful presence, reminding us of the many undiscovered secrets in history.

FIRE

(Destructive, Masculine Energy, Followed by Spiritual Renewal)

Chartres Cathedral, Paris

The masculine energy of fire brings destruction, mayhem, and death, but it is also followed by fertility, creation, and rebirth. As we go to the Southern portion of France (Languedoc), we find an area rich with history, religion, and free masonry. “Chartres Cathedral is not about Jesus dying for anyone,” explains Knight. “It is about the hope of humanity ascending from ignorance to enlightenment.” It was the only cathedral built between the 12^th and 13^th century, which has never allowed any human remains to be buried beneath its vaults. The original cathedral was burnt down in 1194, followed by a miraculous reconstruction that took only 25 years to complete. Today, the Chartres remains substantially unchanged. It features a 38-story tower, breathtaking stained glass windows, labyrinth floor symbolizing the pilgrimage to forgive our sins, and a statuary of notable alchemists and scientists.

Varanasi & Khajuraho, India

From sunrise to sunset, Varanasi is a power reminder of the frailty of life. “There is a mass of people on the banks, ghats, and in the water, including ash-covered men sitting lotus, praying to women washing clothes next to blazing funeral pyres,” describes Sleight. “Suddenly, you hear a loud smack—the eldest son smashing the skull of a dead person to release their soul.” At night the streets close down, as hundreds of people gather to release lanterns down the Ganges River. It is completely lit up with fire. You can smell the overwhelming aroma of flesh and incense. Where Veransi kindles the soul, Khajuraho kindles the loins with graphic scenes from Kama Sutra. “There are scenes of orgies, battles, men having sex with horses—there is a position 73 and 84,” says VJ. “And they really do have a position number 69!”

Angkor Wat, Cambodia

“I have never really set out on a spiritual journey,” explains Sleight. “But after being to six continents and 30 countries, I realize the world is so vast—any one religion could not have all the answers.” Angkor Wat is a massive temple in Cambodia, consisting of five towers and four giant pools, which collect water after the rains. On the outside walls are carvings telling the stories of kings, gods, and dancing diva’s. Angkot Thom (Great City”) is the small town not far from the temple. “You enter from a bridge,” says Sleight. “On the one side are heads of demons—the other, heads of angels—symbolizing the pathway between heaven and hell.” There are other temples, one depicting nothing but smiling faces, another struck by lightning and never finished (bad omen). There is a pink temple (Banteay Srei) constructed by women, and Ta Prohm (featured in the 2001 film, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider), where the tree bark is said to shimmer like liquid silver.

WATER

- (The Essence of All Life)

Dead Sea, Jordan

Water weaves all life upon this planet into one collective garden. It washes our wounds, releases our sadness (tears), and cleanses our sins. The Dead Sea, borders near Israel and Jordan. It is the lowest point on the earths surface (currently at 1,370 feet below sea level), and is continuously dropping. This ancient body of water is made up of 33 percent salt, 21 minerals (12 not found anywhere else on the planet), and is actually not a sea at all, but rather a salt lake fed by the Jordan River. While it is named for the lack of life within its depths (other than bacteria and microbial fungi), many cultures and religions believe it has life giving, healing powers. Such illnesses claimed to be treated by the lake, include arthritis, hives, dermatitis, psoriasis, asthma, and other respiratory illness (the salty air provides up to eight percent more oxygen than the air in Canada).

“After leaning into the thin veil that separates this life and the next,” describes cancer survivor, Alyssa Phillips (www.alyssaphillipsinc.com). “I knew this was where I was intended to be washed clean of the experience—it was time to—turn the chapter, and start anew.” Alyssa traveled across many miles to experience cleansing and re-baptism in the waters where King David, Aristotle, and Cleopatra all made the same pilgrimage. Whether you seek physical healing, a spiritual rebirth, or the funky feeling of floating high atop these extremely buoyant waters, the Dead Sea has a way of making any-body feel very much alive.

Lake Atitlan, Guatemala

Sitting alone at the beach and contemplating the ocean—offers an open ended consciousness of renewal,” describes Knight. “What is left, is not (the worries) you are bracing yourself against, but (the thoughts of healing) that revitalize you.” In the Mayan Highlands of Guatemala, lies another body of water surrounded by nature’s gardens, and three monolithic volcano’s, known as San Pedro, Atitlan, and Toliman. Unlike the Dead Sea, which offers an intimate rebirth of one’s self, Lake Atitlan is more of a spiritual reconnection with Mother Nature. Its deep aqua waters (1115 feet by most scientist’s estimation) are alive with fish, plants, and a recently discovered lost Mayan civilization. The indigenous population continues to believe in their ancient idol, Maximon, who is a fusion of Mayan gods, Catholic saints, and historic explorers. As a popular yoga retreat, this area offers many comforts of home, including coffee shops, restaurants, shopping, water sports, and guided tours.

SELF

(Human Spirit)

Spiritual gurus speak of the four elements of life as the root of existence, but many pagan traditionalists also believe in a fifth element, known as the human spirit or self. This is the point of our tour, where we take your attention away from the destinations, themselves, and invite you to experience spiritual healing from within your mind. We don’t necessarily have to trek halfway around the world to discover peace, relaxation, and a connection to Mother Nature. “I think the greatest travel spot is inside of ourselves, in a moment of spiritual tranquility,” says Knight. “It can be in the backyard as the sun is going down—It can be during a chaotic time at work, waiting at the airport—and believe (you) me—it can even be done on the way to the bathroom.”

“It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing—it doesn’t matter what you look like. What matters is that you care enough to ask the great questions inside of yourself. We have the ability to contact our own inner hero, our own awareness, and be our own greatest defender. Every human being is a blessed being—We only need to be told that…”

—J.Z. Knight

Photos via UnsolvedRealm.com, Footsteps-in-Africa.com, Vulcan.wr.usgs.gov, Blogofasia.com, Listverse.com, paradoxplace.com, Indialine.com, Sedunia.com, Theplanetd.com, and Resortresidenceandrentals.com

(Article originally appeared in Urban Male Magazine)

What if you knew the key to happiness was a choice, a state of mind, a specific call to action, and a particular way of conducting life’s decisions? I’m not talking about a magic formula for creating wealth, health, or fame, as studies show these have no more effect over happiness, then a placebo does. In actuality, happiness can be enjoyed whether you’re rich, poor, handsome, or homely.

While trying to understand the secret behind living life to the fullest, I turned to Dr. George E. Vaillant, MD, author of Spiritual Evolution: How We Are Wired For Faith, Hope And Love. Vaillant is also the director of a massive Harvard University study, involving over 72 years of following hundreds of men as they ventured through college, war, career, marriage, parenthood, divorce, old age, and occasionally death.

Dr. Vaillant witnessed the life stages of these men through a combination of questionnaires and intense physical examinations. He noted their moments of greatest strength, health, and happiness, and has whittled all this research down into one, singularly, important statement, Happiness is love—full stop.

Happiness is Love
“The only thing that really matters in life is your relations to other people,” says Dr. Vaillant. Does this mean that all you have to do is fall in love, and everything will fall into place? Well, no, actually, love is a much more complex feeling, woven into our lives in many shapes and forms, including child/parent bonding, early childhood friendships, and intimacy. In order to understand how to use this article to gain greater happiness, you have to start with a bigger understanding of yourself.

“Aging happy and well—is at least under some personal control,” suggests Dr. Vaillant. In other words, in order to bask in the joys of love, we must first make the right Individual choices.

• Coping Mechanisms- Immature defenses (narcissism, hypochondria, blame), impede the growth of intimate relationships, and reduce the chance of finding love. Adaptive defenses (anticipation, humor, altruism) create higher quality relationships.
• Smoking/Alcohol- Smoking and drinking to excess not only damages health, thus reducing the quality of life, it also damages relationships. Abusers blame the loss of love on addiction, when in fact, the addiction is what drives friends and loved ones away.
• Weight/Exercise- Regular exercise predicts good mental health more than it does good physical health, in part because it is associated with having someone to workout with. Poor bodily health is more often the result of poor psychological health (depression).
• Attitude- “A cardinal rule for happiness, is not to think less of ourselves, but to think of ourselves less,” says Dr. Vaillant. “Happiness isn’t about (you).” The moment you make happiness a goal, the competition you create negates any possibility of finding true joy.

Setting the Record Straight: Happiness vs. Wealth!
You can’t discuss the capacity for happiness without throwing the money card in the ring. The majority of men who garnished the most wealth in the Harvard study, were also the happiest and well adjusted. The problem with the above statement, is money had little to do with the observed outcomes. The monetary reward was only a side effect for those who already had good relationships and healthy coping mechanisms.

Regardless of ones socioeconomic status, the men in the Harvard study who had a loving childhood and empathetic coping mechanisms, reported twice the income as those with poor childhood relationships and immature coping mechanisms. “Adolescent social class, intelligence, politics, and constitution meant relatively little to successful aging (life) in the Harvard graduates,” concludes Dr. Vaillant. “In contrast, capacity for empathic relationships predicted a great deal.”

If you’ve labored under the rule that happiness rests in the hands of fate and choices already made for you, perhaps it’s time to envision a world where joy lies within your own decision to love and be loved. When all is said in done, happiness comes not from the years you have added to your life, but the life you’ve added to your years!

(Article originally appeared in Urban Male Magazine)

Mosler has finally released information on their crushing new hyper-exotic supercar, dubbed the RaptorGTR. If you’re a diehard car nut, you have probably noticed that there seems to be a reoccurring theme with most successful supercars, and the formula is:

Carbon Fiber Shell + Big Block V-8 = Massive Acceleration (about 2.3 seconds (0-60) for the GTR)

One of the key points to this new supercar, is its 838 horsepower, twin turbo, 7.0 liter V-8. Unique to the RaptorGTR is its externally exposed, visible turbo’s, which were inspired by the F-22 Raptor fighting jet. The result of this configuration is one hell of a soundtrack for the driver. There will be a limited number of these ultra rare beasts on the to-build list of Mosler, so if you’ve been really good all year, it just might be worth the effort to put this $700,000 supercar on your Christmas list.

Of course, if you really want your car to be successful, you also have to address a few other necessities, such as power-to-weight ratio, handling, and safety. You aren’t going to enjoy your hypercar very long if you’re dead.

The Raptor has an ultra-light curb weight of just 2580 lbs, which means that its power-to-weight ratio is about 36 percent better than the 987 hp / 4,162 lb Bugatti Veyron. Taking advantage of its low ground clearance, low weight, and Nitto NT05R’s, the RaptorGTR can yield about 1.4 g’s of lateral grip. Mosler has also taken the initiative to incorporate a LeMans Prototype central carbon-fiber safety cell into the chasis, to help absorb the impact of any unfortunate run-in with an inanimate object.

For an extra $70,000 and a green light from a performance driving school, you can purchase an upgrade for the RaptorGTR (CubeyGTR Package), which includes a 1212 hike in horsepower, a newly designed front end, added air ducts to the intercooler, and an additional radiator. There will only be 12 of these special editions produced for 2012, and these will have a 50 percent better power-to-weight ratio to that of the Bugatti Veyron, and that’s at half the price.

Check out the intro video below, set to the release of the new song by Abby Cubey, called, Feel My Fire. If you listen close, you can hear the whoosh of the twin turbo’s that were made into an instrument for this special occasion.

Santa, if you are reading this, please contact J. Todd Wagner at 203 668 3904, and tell him I’ll take the one that comes with Abby Cubey!

Abu Nahasapeemapetilon, Simpson’s cartoon character, Kwik-E-Mart cashier, and singer of the popular Prince rendition of, Tonight I’m going to party like its on sale for $19.99!, has reported plans to marry the popular Bollywood actress, Mallika Sherawat. Abu claims his interest in Sherawat goes far beyond the sex appeal she is known for. The paparazzo has yet to catch this couple together, which brings doubt to Abu’s boasts. Rumor has it that Sherawat “hooked up” with Abu after her appearance on The Jerry Springer Show a couple of years ago. Abu was quoted during the show as saying, “I have seen Sherawat’s inner beauty, and it is in perfect harmony with my outer beauty.”

It is now speculated that Abu and Sherawat met years before, through the popular Yahoo! Indian matrimonial website, Shaadi.com. It appears that Sherawat may have been his 154^th marriage proposal throughout the duration of his three-year membership, which is just slightly below average, according to recent poles. After a bit more investigation, I discovered that Microsoft and Shaadi.com consist of the exact same customer service team. This made me wonder what lonely, unsuccessful Indian men could possibly have in common with technology ignorant Americans?

The answer is Synergistic Common Interest.

Americans are lonely too, spending hours trying to find a date. In fact, they are on so many different websites, they are infecting their computers with new viruses every day. These lonely Americans have no time to learn the proper procedures to fix these problems, so they end up calling Microsoft customer service for help. These Indian helpline workers are so busy fixing all the discombobulated American computers, they cannot consummate a successful digital relationship. I believed that by putting the two practices together, we could form a common bond from which the two lonely nationalities can learn from each other, fostering a virtual love triangle across the world.

The current customer service situation could also just be a ploy for cheaper labor. However, that’s a whole different news report altogether.

The taxpayers have generously given up their milk money to government bully’s, and the kids with spilt milk now have something to dunk their cookie in. Automotive News headlines in June, read, Detroit 3 are Big 3 again. Where the Japanese automobile once reined supreme, the domestic has become a worthy adversary. Some consumers may choose to remember the compact jalopies of the 70s and 80s, such as the exploding Ford Pinto. However, for every quality, domestic compact put on the street today. An embarrassing memory is replaced by one with pride and renewed confidence.

Depending on your political leanings, location, and the car sitting in your driveway, the government bailouts were either a great success or tremendous failure. We’ve seen similar outcomes in battles between good vs. evil, Alien vs. the Predator, and Charlie Sheen vs. his “winning” attitude. We may not have a unanimous victor, but the players have emerged with a common interest. While domestics continue to fancy large vehicles, of which they gain an average of $10,000 more profit per sale. It is in their best interest to focus on their mini-me cousins as a central strategy to their survival.

The situation in Libya continues to create volatile crude oil prices, but from the vantage point of a 16-foot SUV rolling on 22-inch dubs, the problems of middle eastern countries doesn’t seem particularly momentous without the threat of $4/gallon gas. The US consumer’s memory is short, as recent sales of trucks suggests, but nothing changes their mind faster than an empty gas tank. Sales from larger vehicles may have tickled the economy during the first half of 2011, but the small, economy car will maintain profits through the upcoming roller coaster of gas prices.

Domestic manufacturers have listened to the consumer, bringing smaller, better, and more economical vehicles to the table. In 2000, one out of every eight vehicles sold was a compact. Today, these statistics have doubled, increasing their popularity to nearly 25 percent of profits. The playing field has been leveled for 2011, and consumer’s can find a 40 mpg alternative in just about any flavor (excluding Chrysler, although the Fiat 500 comes close).

Chrysler has come a long way since its 1970 Newport (6.3 liters, 4400 lbs, and 0-60 in less than a week). It has restructured their leadership program (Sergio Marchionne), improved product lines (Jeep Grand Cherokee, Dodge Durango, 300), and managed to win back enough consumer trust to gain third place in US sales for May, 2011. General Motors (GM) has an increased market share in both America and China, reducing its “Government Motors” nomenclature from its previous 61 percent in Federal ownership, to now less than 40 percent.

Ford has been praised by consumer reports for garnishing the same quality standards as Toyota. This has been dually noted by the $6.6 billion in earnings they posted in 2010. The most difficult challenge for Ford will be maintaining momentum as Japanese markets scramble to regain lost ground. Japanese automakers lost a whopping 7.3 points in US market shares in May.

Beyond Mother Nature’s unkind blow to Japan during the March 2011 earthquake, their eroding dominance is also due to a relaxed contentment to build the same vehicles that have wowed American audiences for a decade. The distance between class leaders and their challengers, in terms of quality, has been steadily declining. With such fresh faces as the Chevrolet Cruze and Ford C-max to compete with, the Toyota Camry may be like a freckle you’ve admired on your spouse’s tush for the past 20 years, but even a red hot ember needs a little agitation to maintain the same heat.

Research suggests the effects from the Massacre of 2008 is slowly recovering, while other opinions claim the effects could have been much worse. According to a study by the University Of Michigan, the damage to automotive reliant states have plunged income levels by as much as 8 percent in some counties. However, the Center for Automotive Research (CARS) suggests 3 million jobs have been spared thanks to government bailouts, accumulating to nearly $97 billion in personal income between 2009-2010.

The good news for many states, is they can expect an upswing in industrial positions over the next five years, adding 34,000 new jobs nationwide. In the negative front, the wages and benefits of these jobs will be reduced from pre-2008 standards, increasing the threat of worker loss, should the economy offer greater opportunity elsewhere. All in all, the auto industry is reminiscent of past mistakes, poised for change, privy to new technology, and ready to make one hell of a comeback in 2012!

The idiom, drop in the bucket, refers to the idea that most things in life are only a very small portion of the whole. Kick the bucket, references death by imagining yourself standing on a bucket with a noose tied around your neck. Once the bucket is ‘kicked’, well, you can imagine the outcome. But where does the term, bucket list, come from? Some say it originates from the movie, “The Bucket List (2007),” starring Jack Nickolson and Morgan Freeman. Others say it is a hybrid of the previous mentioned idioms. Imagine life as a collection of small ‘drops’ of experiences gathered in a bucket, and at the end of that time, our buckets are spilled over, highlighting the most important memories.

If you died tomorrow and your top 10 highlights were flashed before your eyes, do you think you’d be satisfied with what you saw? We teamed up with Julia Dimon (Traveljunkiejulia.com), travel expert and host of several popular television shows, including Word Travels (City TV, OLN, Travel Channel UK), Destination Getaways (MSNBC), and Outside Today, to help us decide what world experiences are truly worthy of anyone’s list. From gentle solitude to the rush of adrenaline, these are the 10 drops of life we’d most like to remember when our own buckets are knocked from our feet.

1. Heaven on Earth

Cost: $1,000/person for 5-days accommodations—not including airfare and dining.

“Zanzibar, off the coast of Tanzania is one of my favorite places,” says Julia. “It’s a perfect combination of African culture, white sand beaches, fresh seafood, and a ‘hakunamatata’ vibe.” The saying, You’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all, may describe your uncle in boxer shorts, but it certainly does not even come close to describing the spirit and imagery of Tofu Beach, Mozambique. “It’s amazing,” exclaims Julia. “You will spend the day eating fresh mangoes and snorkeling with manta rays and whale sharks in the Indian Ocean.”

2. Best Sunrise/Sunset

Cost: Free to see (yes, some things are still free).

The most beautiful sunset Julia has ever experienced, was over the Valley of the Moon in Chile’s Atacama Desert. “In the winter, at around 6:30 PM, the sky gives rise to a rainbow of watercolor reds, oranges, and purples,” describes Julia, in awe of her own imagery. “A warm hue illuminates the million-year-old mountain ranges that jet out from sand dunes like spines of prehistoric reptiles—a millennia of desert winds have sculpted stones and sand formations, and the colors look more like the inside of a gobstopper candy.”

3. Celebrate Life!

Cost: $300 tickets, but you also have to consider food, accommodations, costumes, and water (it’s hot).

Get out with some people who really know how to party! Burning Man (www.burningman.com) is held annually at Black Rock Desert, located 120 miles north of Reno, Nevada. It kicks off the week prior to Labor Day, and climaxes on the Saturday before Labor Day when “the man” is burned (don’t worry, it’s not a real man). “I just went last year and it’s truly a once-in-a-lifetime must experience,” says Julia. “For one week, some 50,000 costume-clad visitors travel from all over the world to celebrate humanity, creativity, music, nudity, charity and chemically induced happiness, celebrated to the beat of throbbing techno.”

4. Do the Bizarre

Cost: $5

If you’re looking for the perfect way to solidify your status as a bad-ass, look no father than Dawson City, Yukon, home of the sour-toe cocktail (www.sourtoecocktailclub.com). “I’m a card carrying member,” Julia says proudly. The way it works, is after a speech and ceremony performed by an equally bad-ass, sour-toe member, Captain Dick, you’re given a drink (preferably whiskey or beer) with a severed toe swaying along the bottom. “You chug the thing back and the toe has to touch your lips,” describes Julia. Be careful, though, as several toes have been lost via unintentional swallowing.

5. Where the Wild Things ‘Really’ Are

Cost: $10,000 minimum—airfare not included.

Getting up close and personal with some of the worlds most majestic animals, will not only bring a better understanding of nature, but will bring your own life into greater perspective. Trekking with the 400 lb silverback mountain gorillas in Uganda, will certainly serve as a reminder to respect your relatives (ancient relatives). An alternative to the Uganda heat, would be the serene chill of the Antarctic glaciers, while viewing penguins and sea elephants from the front row seat of your own sea kayak. “I’ll be crossing this off my list in January with the company Antarctic Dream (www.antarctic.cl/web_eng),” gloats Julia.

6. Exhilaration of Adrenaline

Cost: $85 for the day (once you’re there).

One of Julia’s most exhilarating experiences to date, is throwing herself off Zambezi Gorge in Zambia (www.thezambeziswing.com), then swinging back and forth like a pendulum across the Zambezi river. “You’re looking down and it’s quite terrifying,” describes Julia. “It is one of the biggest adrenaline rushes!” If swinging from a gorge is beyond your fear factor, perhaps Zorbing (www.zorb.com) down a hill in a giant inflatable hamster ball will be more to your liking. Located in either the Smokey Mountains of Tennessee (USA) or in Rotorua, New Zealand, this experience is a reminder of what fun is all about!

7. Road Warrior

Cost: $349 for the Dragster Experience, and $1,500 for the Rickshaw Run.

Professional racer, Doug Foley, has developed a dragster program (www.dougfoley.com/), offering the thrill of professional racing. The course includes instructions, safety equipment, two ‘smokey’ burnouts, and two hard launches down a professional track. A road worthy alternative is a 5000 km journey across India’s treacherous roadways on a 150cc Rickshaw. The Rickshaw Run (www.rickshawrun.theadventurists.com) is a slow paced, but highly eventful two week road trip through dessert, jungle, and the Himalayan Mountains (that is, if you’ve got the guts and believe in your rickshaw).

8. Out of this World

Cost: $12,000 (MIG tours) to $200,000 (Virgin Galactic).

Book a space voyage on the Virgin Galactic (www.virgingalactic.com), which includes sub-orbit time, allowing passengers six minutes of weightless floating around the cabin of the plane. If $200,000 is a bit too steep, Incredible Adventures (www.incredible-adventures.com) will take you to the edge of space at a fraction of the cost ($12,000 to $50,000) aboard a MIG-31 Foxhound jet. Passengers will soar 68,000 feet about the earth’s surface, while also being given the opportunity to take control of the mighty MIG. These ships set sail in New Mexico (Virgin), Russia, and Cape Town, Florida.

9. Fear Factor

Cost: $150/person

Some people say one of the most pivotal moments of life is a brush with death. Such an experience makes most other fears in life pale by comparison. “Crocosaurus (www.crocosauruscove.com/) in Darwin, Australia looks bad ass,” exclaims Julia, fantasizing about setting foot inside the “Cage of Death”. “I’m really excited to do this one!” There are not many places you can come face to face with a one-ton salt water croc and live to tell about it. Their secret is the plastic cage with which the human morsel (you) is placed, before being dunked in the crocodile pool.

10. Testing Your Limits

Cost: Bolivia Death Road $103/person, 5-day Great Wall of China Marathon package $1,200.

For some, testing their limits is all you can eat buffet. For others it’s letting gravity take hold as they sail down “The World’s Most Dangerous Road” (www.gravitybolivia.com), with nothing more than a pair of handlebars between their face and the dirt. This downhill trek begins in the chilly mountains of Bolivia, ending 11,800 feet down in the steamy jungles of the Amazon. A less dangerous challenge, although just as physically grueling, is the Great Wall Marathon (www.great-wall-marathon.com). Experience the most historically, astonishing sights in China, while pumping your leg muscles over the 5,164 steps of the Great Wall.

(Article originally appeared in the winter issue of Urban Male Magazine)

NPR Female Voice: “Oh, these Schweddy Balls really are cold. How long did you leave them out?”

NPR Male Voice: “Well, it’s been awhile… Sometimes if I don’t get them out every once in awhile, they start to turn blue.”

NPR Female Voice: “Blue Balls? Oh, honey… whenever I’m around, I can promise you will never have blue balls again! (giggles)”

NPR Male Voice: (Laughs gently)

Ben & Jerry’s ice cream has brought the famous Schweddy Balls skit to life with their newest flavor… you guessed it, Schweddy Balls! The basic ingredients are vanilla ice cream with fudge-covered rum and milk chocolate balls.

“We’ve always been a company that has had a sense of humor,” said Sean Greenwood about his Schweddy Balls (ice cream). “This is just plain silly.”

Yes it is… but I’m loving it. You’ll find it at about one-third of the stores that normally sell Ben & Jerry’s. The other two-thirds… Well, I guess you could just say, they don’t (didn’t) have the balls.

And in case you’ve forgot about this skit, starring Alec Baldwin, as Pete Schweddy, the host of Delicious Dish. You can check out the Ben & Jerry’s Facebook page, where you can send clips of the original broadcast to friends and family, or just click “play” below.

Enjoy your balls! And if you don’t have any of your own… see if you can borrow somebody else’s to enjoy!

The Surgeon General has found that cell phones may be hazardous to your health, including phones that are held near your brain, found nearby while sleeping, ingested, lit on fire, leaped on with bare feet, in use while filling your gas tank, and typed on while crossing a busy street.

If cell phones are so dangerous, they should take them away along with the rest of the cap guns, fireworks, and sparkle sticks.  It won’t be long before we’re smuggling flatulence over the borders just to celebrate the 4th of July.  You bring the beans… I’ll supply the matches!

As I think about the thousands of ads there are in a single magazine, I cannot help but wonder, Why should I really care that Hulk Hogan uses speed stick deodorant, or that Preparation H is doctor recommended? These are problems that many people suffer from, but they are not necessarily the kind of thing that sticks in anyone’s mind for more than about 30 seconds. However, there is a new wave of marketers that has stepped up for the challenge to gain the attention of desensitized generations raised in front of glowing monitors of blood, pain, suffering, and sex. So, pull up a chair, turn off the tube, cross your legs (if you are a male you will soon anyway), as we are about to unleash the top-selling items for 2011.

Golf putters and walking sticks are a constant man pleaser. You will find these in just about every die-hard hunter magazine across the country, usually strategically located next to the exotic genuine moose dung earrings, but we won’t even get into that. Now, I know what you are probably saying, big deal, right? These are not the usual putters and canes, however. These putters and canes are made from the “entire reproductive organs of a grown bull.” This is a product that will grab a person’s attention, and perhaps even motivate them to show a friend, hang on their school locker, or pin on their office managers back.

Picture a poor little bull huddled in the far corner with his knees clenched in pure panic, crying, “Made from what?” I couldn’t help but feel my own voice box creep up my throat, as the very thought began to cross my mind. Below is an actual picture of these products (which are being impressively balanced by an innocent little girl), of which I must admit puzzled me for a long while. However, I soon dismissed it with a simple, How should I know what it would look like anyway? Yesterday’s credit card bills seem like a wet willy in the ear compared to what this painful humiliation must have been like. I just had to know who would do such a thing, why, for how much, and most importantly… what herbal male enhancement has this bull been taking?

This brings us to another trend in the market today, male enhancement pills, seen everywhere from television to popular magazines. Bigger will always be better, or so it seems. These ads picture a down-and-out loser of a husband, picked on by his boss, teased by his friends, shunned by his own family… you know the story. Then this poor sap of a man gets a hold of a few male enhancement herbs, and bam… kapow! Superman is unleashed upon the world, filled with confidence, self-assurance, and most notably… a very happy wife.

A happy wife indeed, and what better to go along with her newly endowed husband than a pair of her very own endowed breasts. Fortunately, for her, she has even more options here than her male counterpart does. Modern science has brought women their very own mixed herbal blend of vitamins guaranteed to produce larger breasts. If the woman just wants a taste of what enhancement out of life bigger breasts could offer, Victoria’s Secret is always there to lend a helping hand with their exclusive wonder bra line. Women have learned that it does not matter if the breasts are natural or half water filled balloons; as long as they depict themselves to the world with the proper social expectations long since learned by undressing her favorite Barbie for bedtime.

The point I am trying to make is that we live within a species that focuses on imperfection, oddities and perversions, probably since the beginning of time. So why shouldn’t we give the people what they want? Why do you think that they made six Nightmare on Elm Street movies and only one Ghondi? People are entertained by others misfortunes and imperfections, which has ultimately been commercialized with the onset of reality TV. You cannot even change the channel without either seeing a poor soul ingesting pounds of live worms, or getting their heart broken on live television by a woman they spent one date in the living room of millions of dedicated watchers.

This is where I must part ways with kind commentary to these great products and point out some obvious obscenities to the commercial market. Who in their right mind would buy a bull’s freeze dried sexual organ for one hundred dollars a piece? It would sure seem much more cost effective to visit the nearest ranch to gather a few ‘shafts’ yourself. Furthermore, what is this process of preserving such a miracle of nature? All men like to brag, but I must admit that I cannot imagine using that as a third leg, or slamming a golf ball 300 yards down a fairway.

I shouldn’t even have to mention the fact that a few scratches of bark off an ancient tree in the jungles of Sabu, Africa, mixed with the semen of a one-eyed baboon with thirty fingers and toes, is not worth eighty dollars a month. Common sense tells us that none of this stuff is going to work as it claims, yet with the expense and popularity of such ads, someone is buying it. If it is not you or I, then please make it your dedication for the day to save at least one friend who is about to make a very poor decision tomorrow.

These ads have proven to be extremely effective tools in grabbing the attention of today’s desensitized market audience. However, they miserably fail to give their actual worth, and it is up to you to read past the bull (no pun intended) and not be taken by their clever advertising. These marketers have mastered the art of attention, now all we need are some worthy products, and I think we will be on to something. Perhaps if these companies had spent more on the research of the product itself and a little less for the marketing, these would have been as useful as the once popular pet rock, but then again, maybe they are.

(Photo via Longhorns Head to Tail)