1. Argue Like a Badger
Badgers are very unforgiving creatures with one rule to live by. It’s either their way or the highway, and if you have any argument with that, they will persuade you otherwise through unpleasant consequences, otherwise known as scratching and clawing until you agree they’re right. Humans have a very similar techniques to change each others behavior, consisting of using the phrase “you”, instead of “I”, as in “you are to blame for this”, and “you’re the reason everything is wrong with my life.”

Other popular strategies, and sure ways to guarantee a miserable relationship, are to refuse to listen, resist asking questions when you don’t understand, attack with sarcasm and verbal abuse, and end every argument on a negative note. Your goal is to win every argument, and never consider or compromise any reasonable requests offered by your spouse. Winning every argument leaves behind a sticky residue on a relationship, almost guaranteeing hard feelings and misery the next time a conflict arises.

2. Guide Your Partner via Negative Reinforcement
Many counselors claim that positive reinforcement is the best way to lead a partner by example, but those looking for a miserable existence, will prefer guiding their relationships via negative reinforcement. Where positive reinforcement teaches spouses the advantage and benefits of certain behaviors, negative reinforcement teaches fear, guilt, and anxiety by nagging until they can’t stand to hear your voice anymore.

What this achieves is a very temporary change in behavior, focused on merely achieving momentary peace and quiet. In time, this antagonistic behavioral learning technique creates a wedge between couples. Instead of embracing positive change for the better, as positive learning is known to achieve, a spouse will become only motivated by the reward of avoiding their partner altogether.

3. Pursue Happiness as if it were On Sale at Wal*mart
While some fools might tell you happiness comes from our own purpose and happy thoughts, miserable couples understand that happiness can be bought just as easily as respect, admiration, and faith. Research suggests that true happiness would never be as sweet without the occasional sadness, but miserable couples know true happiness comes from achieving a perfect life, complete with the perfect wife and ‘mostly’ perfect husband.

While we may only be able to control up to 42 percent of our happiness by choosing to focus on the good things, we can guarantee 100 percent misery by choosing to concentrate on the bad. There are at least three levels of joy, all of which require money, including food, sex, and fancy cars. Through our envy of other peoples stuff, we can finally forget about such needless blessings as love, health, family, and friends. We will be devoured by your own selfish thoughts, forgetting that failure is not a learning experience, but rather an invitation to disappointment.

4. Let Go of Your Curiosities
Miserable couples know that curiosity killed the cat, so they choose to be unenthusiastic about their own life, the life of their partner, and the world around them. Whatever they knew about themselves or their partner, probably still stands true today, so they allow themselves to become bored and disinterested. Despite what you may have heard, what makes a happy relationship thrive is not passion, love, creative intimacy, surprise, or the belief that our partner is truly interested in us.

Some psychologists say you can secure the likelihood of having a miserable marriage, simply by creating a lack of curiosity in your relationship. To accomplish this, avoid talking with your partner about your goals, dreams, and aspirations. Become a poor teammate in everything from work to social activities. Your goal should be to resist cooperation and compromise, choosing instead to seek a negative, prejudice, and judgmental viewpoint. Your favorite comment to all who ask inquisitive questions is, I don’t know!

5. Seek Excitement, Anxiety, and Jealousy in All Your Relationships
People are drawn to excitement in life. It is one of the fundamental reasons for finding and maintaining new relationships whenever you start to become too comfortable in your existing ones. Boredom is the enemy of relationships for miserable couples, because they understand that behind all the dull, tedious repetition, lies comfort, predictability, stability, support, and faithfulness.

Studies show, biologically, as time goes on, the opium-like injections of oxytocin in the brain subside; the butterflies that used to flutter, now seek shelter in a dormant cocoon; and the sexual attraction we used to feel, is now challenged by a simple piece of chocolate. Multiple marriages and affairs can satisfy this urge for excitement, guaranteeing a life of endless anxiety, obsessiveness, risky sex, and jealousy. Boring couples who live the daily grind of a “mature” relationship, only have honesty, security, trust, and intimacy to look forward to.

What is Misery?
There’s been several schmuck’s as of recent years, running around telling people that we don’t have to live with a miserable relationship. They say that we can make them what we want, just as long as we take the time to understand each other, and work together towards our goals. One thing we do know, is each of us has the capacity to make almost any situation miserable. What is misery? It’s only a word.

Happy relationships come about, not by how they are dealt, but how we choose to decipher their challenge and turmoil. Through mistakes comes knowledge; from misunderstandings breeds perception. Take everything that has been said in this article today as a reminder that we have more control over our relationships than most of us realize.

While most men would like to think they have a pretty good grasp of the female species, most women would prefer to disagree. Here are 20 things research, surveys, and nerds in lab coats have uncovered over the years, that most of us men will likely benefit from knowing.

Urinary Tract Infections are Often Caused by an Unclean Guy…
If you don’t want a red light in the bedroom… wash your stuff! Enough said…

She Likes Porn, Too!
According to most studies, nearly 20 percent of all women are regular customers to porn, whether they’ll admit it or not. In 2006, a study at McGill University, monitored the genital temperatures of women who were subjected to various videos of the flesh. What they found, was despite the disinterest on their face while viewing these flicks, their temperature gauge told a different story. A story that spiked the Fahrenheit needle within the first 30 seconds of people getting naked. It took around 11 minutes for women to reach maximum arousal, but according to similar research, that’s about the same amount of time for a man. We’re not so different after all.

Most of Her Fantasies are Set Around You
According to surveys, most women in a relationship prefer fantasizing about their current partner (hot or not), than celebrities or imaginary characters on the cover of romance novels. This is quite the contrary to most men who regularly engage in fantasies about women other than their current partner. Interestingly, while the majority of American guys prefer ex-girlfriends, classmates, or co-workers to take the starring role of their fantasies, 25 percent of Canadian guys prefer fantasizing about an imaginary character, such as Jessica Rabbit or Barnie the Purple Dinosaur, while bumping an ugly.

If She Cuts the Night Short… She Might Really Need to Cut Something Else
Like the popular kids book, Everybody Poops, there is a new edition coming out soon for college guys, called, Everybody Farts. Depending on what she had for dinner, she might start filling up faster than a hot air balloon in the Mohave Dessert, and if she has no convenient place to release the pressure (far away from you), she might have to put an abrupt end to an otherwise perfect evening. This, however, does not mean that she didn’t have a good time, and should not effect your confidence to call her the next day.

Your Sexy When you Drive, Shave, Hold a Baby, and Wear a White T-Shirt
But not necessarily in that order. Even if you miss second gear, nick your chin, and the baby burbs green peas all over the white shirt, you’ll still be sexy-cool in their eyes!

If She Cheats, You Deserved it (at least in her mind)
Most guys cheat because they can, while women, according to studies, cheat because they feel entitled. A Toronto study on women cheaters found the majority (about 90 percent) who cheat on their boyfriend/husband feel no remorse or guilt. For one, these women believe emotional cheating (“I’m in love with my co-worker”) is much more inappropriate than a quick romp on the desk (“My co-worker is hot”). Studies at Marymount Manhattan College have shown, women tend to release themselves from the burden of guilt when their happiness is on the line. In other words, if their partner is not up to the job of making them happy, they feel entitled to find happiness, whether it means cheating for momentary pleasure, or as a catalyst to remove themselves from the current relationship.

Squeezing Boobs is not Foreplay
Most guys claim they already know this one, but according to the complaints of mass women on campuses around the globe, it is clear these lessons have not yet been taken into practice. While guys in porno’s appear to achieve quite a success rate by using this technique, those giggles of joy reverberating from the women’s plump, luscious lips are called, acting. If you really want to pleasure a woman, touch and caress… don’t grab and squeeze. But don’t forget to at least introduce yourself first!

Women Have Hair in Strange Places
We can really only blame society for this common misinformation among guys. Women have learned from an early age, that hair in every other place other than their head, is bad. Considering this perfect fantasy has gone on for centuries, a lot of guys just don’t realize that it is normal for a woman to exhibit hair on their breasts, buttocks, lower back, and stomach. If your girl doesn’t have any of these signs of being a disciple of Bigfoot, appreciate the time she has spent getting rid of it.

She will Mirror You if She’s Interested
This is an interesting experiment to partake in, even though I would not base any major conclusion on its outcome. Studies have shown that men and women who like each other, engage in a phenomenon known as “mirroring”. For instance, whenever a guy leans forward during a conversation at a bar, and the woman is interested in him, she will lean in after him, thinking, Hi, brown eyes. If he then leans back in the opposite direction, crossing his legs, she will pull back, crossing her own legs, and wonder what she did wrong. Researchers theorize the reasoning behind this phenomenon, is that women are trying to show interest by placing themselves among the same level as their suitor, displaying similar actions and mannerisms.

They Know You’re Lying… So Why Bother?
A lot of guys think they can weasel their way out of a stiff predicament by lying… but it is usually best to just fess up and get it over with.

One, Simple “Thank you” Goes a Long Way
Women often feel unappreciated for all the things they do for their guy. While some guys will do the obligatory dinner and a movie to thank them, according to research, showing appreciation is a lot easier than they realize. Studies in married couples and roommates have found that even when a relationship is completely lopsided in chores, the overworked partner will remain satisfied, as long as the other person remembers to say “Thank you” every now and then.

Male Friends “are” and will “Always Be”, Just Friends
Don’t mistake a woman’s friendship as an open door for something more to develop, according to most surveys. Once a woman has filed a guy away in the friendship cabinet where she also has been known to keep her tax information, he will almost never be able to sneak out into the lingerie drawer. Women love male comrades, especially to confide in them when another guy has treated them badly. After a first date, a handshake is an automatic invitation to do her taxes, a hug puts you in the running for seeing that lingerie, and a solid goodnight kiss gets a pinky in the drawer (pinky, not winky). Remember, if you fail the first time around, you’re better off keeping low a few months before re-trying, than hanging out in Friendsville, keeping track of old lingerie tax receipts!

Don’t mention PMS… Unless Your Asking to Buy Her Pads at the Store
Women do not like men to mention these three syllables, especially under the context, “Are you PMS-ing again?” Instead, it’s always better to hold your tongue, wait it out, and live to say something else wrong another day.

A Head Nod Does Not Equal Conversation
Men are innately simple creatures when it comes to communicating. One head nod, means, “What’s up,” two nods, “Well, okay, if it will get me laid,” and three, “Yeah, that sounds pretty good.” Women, on the other hand, communicate in a more complicated way, which means they expect men to listen and respond with words. Bonus points will go to those who can create a sentence out of the last couple of words that came from her mouth. Be forewarned however, that this does not mean that she wants you to solve her problem, only listen, repeat, and understand.

Macho for Fun, and Sensitive for Commitment
Most guys don’t realize that they can dictate their relationships simply by the way they look and act. According to a study at the University of Aberdeen, when women were shown photos of men enhanced as either masculine (square jaw, small eyes) or feminine (small chin, raised eyebrows), they overwhelmingly preferred the feminine men when instructed to search for a lifetime partner. Further studies have gone on to show that masculine men are usually the more preferred when a woman is looking for a good time. Who knew dodging commitment could be so easy!

Want to Really Impress Her… Ask to Meet Her Family
Many women have a very strong bond between their family, and when a guy initiates interest in that bond, it is the equivalent to a woman having lifetime season tickets on the 50 yard line of every Superbowl.

Some Pickup Lines Actually Work…
A classic study at the University of Edinburgh in Scotland, put Bam Margera’s arsenal of pickup lines to the test on over 205 undergraduates. What they found was intellectual, humorous lines worked reasonably well on most women, while the sexually-loaded lines were a big turn-off. The men in the study were given the exact same pickup lines, asking which ones they thought would fare the best under a first time encounter, and they overwhelmingly chose the sexually loaded lines (i.e. “Hi, I can carry a dozen donuts without even using my hands.”). What this research suggests, is instead of using old, tired lines, try complimenting a women sincerely (“You know your martini’s, this restaurant makes the best in town.”); making her laugh (“If you were a pirate and I was a tree, I’d let you shiver me timbers.”); or put together your own custom line for the situation (“Did you know this restaurant used to be a old mine shaft?”).

Woman’s Lib Does Not Include Going Dutch
According to countless surveys, women still expect (and appreciate) a guy to pickup the check. There are a number of reasons for this. One, it is not presumptuous for a man to pay for a date, if he was the one to initiate the date in the first place. Two, some women believe that due to the uneven pay scale in the workforce (about 20 percent), men theoretically make more money, and should therefore pickup the tab the majority of the time. The only caveat is, if she insists on paying half, let her, otherwise you’ll risk appearing inflexible, chauvinist, and disagreeable.

Women Like Spontaneity… Her kind of Spontaneity
Flowers given on a Thursday afternoon after a tough Chemistry exam is…. spontaneous and good! Flowers given every Valentines Day from freshman year to senior is… not spontaneous. Whisking her away on a weekend trip on short notice is… spontaneous and good! Showing up 15 minutes late for a date, exclaiming, “So, what do you want to do now?”… might seem spontaneous on your part, but will seem rather lame on hers!

She is Less Excited About Receiving Lingerie, Than You Are About Giving It
The saying goes that all women love pretty, shiny things, but when it comes to a glimmering Las Veas showgirl costumes, not all women are excited to climb aboard your fantasy train. There are two things you can do to ensure these gifts are accepted with open arms. First, don’t make lingerie her only gift. Second, “Find someone close to her size and relay that to the salesperson,” says Tyran, a Fredrick’s of Hollywood lingerie model. “Buying her a size that is too big is a no, no.” You wouldn’t stroll into an auto part store, asking for engine oil without at least having any idea of the weight you needed. The wrong weight could potentially lead to an engine seizure before even getting your dipstick in the tube!

1. Lust: Thou Shall Not Rush Into Sex
Sex is a fundamental desire in an intimate relationship, but rushing into sex too soon can undermine true intimacy, replacing it with lust. A worthy man does not need to have sex within the first few dates. He may be thinking about it, and if you allow him certain advantages, he may certainly take initiative, but in truth, he is probably more enthralled with the chase than the reward. If you give away all your treasure and mystery before he’s had to work for it, he could quickly lose interest, pursuing his interests elsewhere. As in most things in life, the more you have to work for something, the more you will appreciate it once it’s yours.

2. Pride: Thou Shall Not Change the Man/Woman
Pride has many faults, such as desiring perfection in ourselves and our mate. But one of the worst things you can do in this pursuit, is to assume that you can change a man into everything you ever wanted. Men, are fundamentally who they are. They may want to change, they may tell you they can change, but in general you should assume what you see, is what get. The only caveat, is to know when you’re being overly picky. While it may be annoying that he snorts when laughing at old reruns of Seinfeld, and can’t give a decent massage to save his life, is that just cause for throwing away a potentially, very satisfying relationship?

3. Greed: Thou Shall Not Expect Too Much Early On
One of the worst parts of dating is all the waiting. Does he like me? Are we dating, or just hanging out? Does he want children? Which way does he put the toilet paper on the roll? While all these questions maybe important down the road, they are certainly not important enough to be answered within the first few dates. A budding relationship should allow itself to unfold in due time, without forcing things. Take everything in stride, and focus on enjoying yourself and the company. Don’t open your true feelings up too fast, or expect him to do the same. Most men prefer the mystery in getting to know you.

4. Gluttony: Too Much of a Good Thing is also Called, Smothering
Like the old saying, If you hold a butterfly too tightly, it will crush. Some relationships start off smothering each other with love. There are fundamentally two kinds of relationships, passionate  and romantic. The passionate relationship is defined by lust, infatuation, and the jealousy associated with being apart. These relationships are never as happy as they could be, as it is hard to enjoy love when you are constantly in a state of panic. A Romantic relationship, by comparison, is every bit as passionate, but the relationship is based more on trust and security, than an obsession. Relax and enjoy each other, don’t smother!

5. Wrath: Thou Shall Not Allow Anger/Distrust to Filter Across from Past Relationships
Expecting all men to be like your last couple ex’s is a recipe for disaster. Relationships can be a dangerous business for our heart, but true love can never be achieved without sharing yourself openly with a potential soulmate. This is the catch 22 of all relationships, as in order for them to prosper, we must start each one on a fresh slate, which means assuming each person is ‘not guilty’ of all accounts of bad relationship practice (until proven otherwise). This puts ourselves in the position of possibly one day becoming hurt, but at the same time, distrusting and snooping around without just cause, scares away those worthy suitors, just as frequently as the unworthy.

6. Envy: Be Yourself’
Just because one person is all that and a bucket of cheese puffs in one persons eyes, doesn’t mean that they will be the same caliber in another person’s. Stay clear of love interests who like to compare you with their ex’s, offering advice on how to become more of what they prefer in a mate. A relationship is not all about what you can do for them, but also what they can do for you. Never neglect your own needs, trying to meet those of someone else. If you don’t feel like one of the most beautiful and appreciated people on the entire planet each time you’re together, you’re probably never going to.

7. Sloth: Thou Shall Not Fake Orgasms
Faking an orgasm seems a lot easier than dealing with the potentially uncomfortable position of telling a man his motions in the ocean are not quite rocking your boat. Make no mistake about it, faking an orgasm early in a relationship will only cause more confusion and hurt feelings later on. What’s he to say when you tell him on the day of your tenth anniversary, that all his old moves are just not going to cut it anymore. It is more difficult to teach an old dog new tricks. You’ve got to train them early, girls!

(Originally featured on California Psychics)

Jerks are cruel, crass, and contemptible people. They have only one person’s interests at heart and in mind — their own. Despite most peoples’ desire to stay away from them, they will always be an inevitable part of dating. The danger is that jerks often start out very charming. This can leave us blindsided to their worst qualities, while starting to fall for their best. Then, once the relationship is far enough along to make it more difficult to walk away, their true nature begins to rear its ugly head.

Jerks know their best audience, and so they tend to prey upon partners with the kindest hearts. This is because these generous people are usually the most accepting and forgiving of their faults. Here are five questions to ask yourself if you suspect you might be dating a jerk:

The word, “intimacy” has long been defined by the act of intercourse, and while romance and sex are indeed an important part of intimacy, they are only a very small portion of it. The actual definition of intimacy should read, “a warm relationship between lovers that is characterized by a relaxed informality, deep understanding, vulnerability, shared empathy, and the need to be close. Other definitions may also choose to include the word ‘soulmate’ as a means to describe the extent of such a connection.

What is intimacy, exactly? Here’s some relationship advice in the form of nine pieces of the puzzle, which, when combined, comprise the truest form of intimacy a couple could ever achieve:

Emotional Connection- To connect emotionally, a couple must know how to communicate effectively, expressing everything from their goals and dreams to their fears and regrets. Such communication should include both verbal and non-verbal (hugging, cuddling, touching) cues of expression.

Spiritual Connection- A spiritual connection between partners is considered a sacred bond between body and soul. Each partner involved is aware of who they are, who their partner is, and the sacred life force which has been created by their union.

Relaxed Informality- Intimacy is not only reserved for lovers, but also our closest friends and family. These are the people we feel relaxed around, and with whom we can be ourselves. If you are hiding your true self out of fear of not being loved for who you are, you have already sabotaged your chance of intimacy.

Deep Understanding- We are never afraid to tell those who we are intimate with, how we really feel. This is because we know they will understand where we are coming from, taking a position of understanding, rather than defense.

Trust- When a person gives themselves to someone, they are putting their trust in that person not to hurt them. While this is a risk, it’s also the only way to truly open yourself to the possibility of true love, intimacy, and the ability to heal all past, failed attempts at love.

Familiarity- The intimate couple should feel like that favorite pair of jeans in your closet that are so worn from use, they could almost disintegrate. They fit perfectly, look great, feel fantastic, and you could find them blindfolded in a room full of other jeans if you had to.

Vulnerability- Intimacy is about allowing our partner a front row seat to the story of our lives. It is an unspoken promise that you will remain open to your partner, sharing your most intimate, closely guarded secrets, and in return, they will hold these secrets as dear as their own.

Shared Empathy- This is a couples ability to know each other so well, they almost sense how each other feels. A partner can walk into a room, and without even saying a word, the other will know if something is wrong. This maybe as close to a true soulmate as most of us will ever come.

The Need to be Close- The need for a couple to be together all the time can be characterized by an unhealthy distrust in the relationship. In this case, however, it’s not that they are afraid to be apart out of fear of losing each other, but out of the desire to share as much of their life together as possible.

The next time you and your partner discuss intimacy, don’t forget that its origins go far deeper than sex. It is unfortunate that many couples fail to understand that true intimacy is a slowly developed process, intertwined by the mental, social, emotional, spiritual, and physical. Those who know this kind of intimacy, know pleasure far beyond the fleeting moments of passion between the sheets!

(Originally featured on California Psychics)

Spotting a player isn’t always an easy task, especially while you’re under their spell. The easiest way is to break down their behaviors in five important aspects of starting a new relationship: the first meeting, early communication, getting to know them, dating style, and finally their approach to making time for the relationship.

What is a true player? These are the people who exhibit at least three out of the five of following signs. Even one of these signs should be a warning flag, but you might want to give them the benefit of the doubt, until further indicators point you towards the door. Ultimately, a player is using these tactics to avoid what they want least … a stable relationship.

The First Meeting
Too Confident- A player has gotten where they are from being good at what they do. This alone drives an incredible amount of confidence in their approach. Women love confident men, and male players take advantage of this to its fullest. While some people are just naturally more confident, remember, one of the signs of interest in a potential partner, is excitement and nervousness. This includes mirroring, which is an unconscious act at mimicking the other person to appear approachable and on their same level. The player does not want to be on your level, they want to be in control. They will get right up close and personal. They are very calculated, smooth, direct, and will rarely make a nervous mistake.

Early Communication
Probing- When an individual is truly interested in getting to know someone, they will ask genuine questions about them. The player, on the other hand, engages on what is more like probing. They may appear to be trying to get to know the person, but they are really only trying to gain pertinent information as to what the person is looking for in a mate. The idea is to bypass all the time it would normally take that person to decide if they really were interested in pursuing a relationship (weighing both their good and bad sides), so they can jump to the top of the list. These questions will be masked in the form of what they like in a partner, what they did not like about their last relationship, what kind of clothes they prefer on a man/woman, etc.

Getting to Know Them
Mystery Men- A little mystery is good, but too much should be a wake-up call. We shouldn’t share everything with a potential mate, but if you don’t known anything substantive about them, chances are they’re hiding something. Examples include never being invited to their home/apartment, rarely being seen in public (especially during the day), checking their phone often (which is obviously set on ‘quiet’ mode), taking private phone calls, and having a slew of what they call “stalkers,” who won’t leave them alone. These are all signs that they may be living a second life (cheating, affair, etc.) apart from your budding romance.

Dating Style
Hot & Cold- The hot-and-cold dating style starts off wonderfully. The person is always up for going out, they can’t wait to see you, and they are often nauseatingly romantic early in the game (“I can’t believe how wonderful you are,” “I think I love you,” “You’re my soulmate”). But once you give them the sign that they are starting to win you over, they disappear for a few days/weeks without much contact. The whole idea is to keep you there with as little effort as possible. They have a lot of people they’re stringing along, so they have to conserve energy. Players love the chase, but get bored of the conquered. They are all talk and no action (“we should do this,” “I want to take you here”), but they never follow through.

Making Time
Flighty- The player is hard to hold to any plans. They may say they prefer to be spontaneous — in reality, they are always weighing their best options before they commit. They may have meetings come up, relatives die, an important work function overseas, or some other emergency that will take them away for several days or weeks at a time. During these times, they will have limited contact, such as a minimal phone signal, odd working hours, only access to e-mail, etc. While emergencies can and do come up, players use these exclusively to concentrate on new relationships, while storing their ones away for a rainy day.

(This article originally featured on California Psychics)