For years people have clamored over the IQ test, wondering if they’re smart, not smart, or exceptionally gifted. I say, all that matters is if you’re stupid or not, which will take about ten questions and five minutes of your time. If it takes any longer, don’t bother finishing, you’re just stupid!

1) If you are at a half price sale and you see an item on sale for $2.00, what would be your final price of that item?

1. Who cares, I wouldn’t buy it. It’s too cheap
   
2. $1.00 plus tax
3. Half of $2.00
4. You never gave me the final price

2) In the middle of negotiation, if the dealer tells you that they just cannot go much lower, you should…

1. Slap your hands on the desk and exclaim, “Okay, I’m out of here, like a shaken beer!”
2. Tell him to go back in the manager and see what they can do
   
3. Get down on bent knee and beg for at least a few dollars off of list price
4. Triumphantly scream, “Well, if that’s as low as you can go, I’ll take it!”

3) If you have a choice of an Ivy League school with an attached loan of $400,000, or a local community college for just under $50,000, which one should you choose?

1. The community college, as it does not matter over the long haul which college you attended
2. Go to the community college for the first two years, and then transfer over to the Ivy League for the last two. You will get an Ivy league degree for half the price
3. Can you say Ivy League fraternity and sorority parties? My bags are packed
4. Screw both. I’m going to be the assistant manager of fries, and that’s when the really big bucks start rolling in

4) If you are cooking bacon in a pan, and flames suddenly leap out onto your clothing, you should…

1. Pull out the baking soda from the cupboard and smother the flames with both the soda and a towel
2. Stop, Drop, and Roll
3. Call best friend and see what they’d recommend
4. Run as fast as you can
   

5) If you cannot figure out how to run the new copier at work, should you…

1. Ask a few office buddies to give you a hand
2. Look for the instruction manual
3. Push all the buttons and see what happens
4. Stand there and wait for someone to come by and copy them for you

6) If you are watching a magician, and they have just pulled a rabbit from a hat; you wonder…

1. When is this crap going to be over
2. Where is the hidden storage bin that rabbit came from
3. How was that rabbit able to breath all this time
4. Who would win in a battle, Mighty Mouse or that rabbit

7) You are on an icy road and your vehicle begins to jackknife to the right…

1. I would turn the steering wheel to the right to straighten out the vehicle
2. I would turn the wheel of the vehicle towards the direction I was sliding into
3. I would stomp on the brake pedal and scream, “Oh sh**!”
4. After I shimmied to the left, I would follow with another jackknife to the right

If you are out in a deserted wilderness and a tree falls…

1. Get the heck out of the way!
2. I would be the only one who knew if it made a sound
3. The tree would have fallen, end of story
   
4. I would conclude, therefore I must exist

9) In a game of blackjack, you have an ace of hearts and a five of diamonds; should you say…

1. “Hit me,” my chances of a better score beat the odds of a bust
2. “Stay,” it is a pretty good score, and the house just might bust trying to beat it
3. “Double-down”
4. “Can we play fifty-two card pick-up after this hand”

10) A thunderstorm suddenly appears while on a walk. You look around to see an umbrella, a dense patch of trees, and an old substation shack. The first thing that enters your mind is…

1. A little water never hurt anyone
2. I better grab an umbrella. It will be the lowest object around me, so I should stay fairly safe
3. Duck into the statically charged substation, as it will provide the best overall coverage
   
4. Jump on top of the substation with the umbrella to protect from the rain, while looking for the tallest metal object I can stand under
   

Score System:

1. = 4 points
2. = 3 points
3. = 2 points
4. = 1 point

Score of:

33-40 points: You’ve got your head screwed on straight for the most part. You see through the bullcrap and look at things for what they are. If you were on the Titanic you would have probably been a survivor, although you might have tossed a few woman and children over the side to get there. But, a little water never hurt anyone, right?

25-32 points: You’d like to think you’re pretty smart, but you aren’t. You follow what you’re told, and never really think for yourself. If you were a politician, you’d be a raving success!

18-25 points: Do you know what planet you are on? Could you read any of these questions properly? I think that we should just pretend this never happened for both our sake!

10-17 points: The crap in your brains has crap for brains! If we pulled together a group of the stupidest people on earth, they would all concur that you were even more stupid than them. Okay… so none of them would quite know what the word, concur, meant, but they would know you’re stupid!