2012: Is the End Really Near?

Posted on December 4, 2010 by Eric Leech

You can call it Armageddon, 2012, Mayan Prophecy, The Dark Planet, or simply, the end of the world. Hollywood has already taken its stance on the last days of mankind, and it’s been described in such films as 2012 (sixth mass extinction), I Am Legend (Pandemic), Armageddon (asteroid impact), Independence Day (alien invasion), The Day After Tomorrow (global warming), and The Day the Earth Stood Still (Ecosystem collapse). “Hollywood is trying to think of every way possible that we could destroy ourselves, or be destroyed,” says Phil Hotsenpiller, teaching pastor of Yorba Linda Friends Megachurch, and author of the book, Armageddon Now. Along with such thinking, comes the understanding that life outside the movie theater does not always bring happy endings. Regardless of whether or not you choose to believe or not, there is something a little bit frightening, if not mysteriously worthy of our attention about the upcoming date 12/21/12.

“Something has arrived over vast expanses of space and time, opportunistically cloaking itself within the ambiguities of human perception, seeking propagation channels where the race has vowed not to look. It is currently watching and testing the collective wit. If not recognized, it will simply depart. Then, lives that could have been saved will not. Suffering that might have been circumvented will be felt… The retreat uneventfully comes in 2012, if they fail to count the number of the beast.”

—The Creative Machine

The above is a quote by an Artificially Intelligent computer fathered by Dr. Stephen L. Thaler, describing the end of the world. The Creative machine is not the only advanced machine prophesying the sixth mass extinction. The computer search program, Web Bot, has a similar conclusion.

Web Bot is a system of organized, automated “bots” instructed by creator, George Ure, to scavenge the Internet searching for activity, otherwise known as “web chatter”. By picking up on subtle discussions and topics being written around the world, the Bot has so far been able to predict the attack on the US Trade Center (9/11), the stock market meltdown, and now it is telling us that the end of the world is on its way to our doorstep on December 21st, 2012. While many experts say it is impossible for such a machine to predict the end of the world, others disagree.

So what do we have here? We have gonzo journalists traveling out to distant bunkers of right wing fanatics who have been stocking up on ammunition, anti-radiation pills, and training for an end of the world scenario. We have mathematicians interpreting various cultural calendars, such as the Mayan calendar, each reporting one date as having particular importance (12/21/12). And if you don’t give any of these sources much credit, we also have buckets full of religious advocates pointing to the bible as one of our greatest prophetic sources, and its prophecies are being called out through the daily news.

“Between the earthquakes, the volcanoes, and the oil, it’s kind of like, are you kidding me,” says Hotsenpiller. “We’re seeing some things which point to what the bible saw as an end of days scenario—Where’s Al Gore?”

“These events (Armageddon) are unfolding as you are reading this,” warns Peter King, author of Letters to Earth You Can Survive Armageddon!:

Revelation 16:3- The second angel poured out his bowl on the sea and it became as the blood of a dead man, and every living thing died. “There is no doubt you have seen the large areas of reddish brown oil that look like giant blood clots covering everything in the gulf,” says Kling. “Thirty-five percent of our seafood comes from the Gulf of Mexico—get ready for higher prices and lack of availability.”

Revelation 16:12- The 6th one poured out his bowl on the great river Euphrates and its water dried up that the way might be prepared for the kings of the east. “We’ve seen the expansion of Islam, but last month the UN pasted another sanction on Iran and Iran basically said, stick your sanction where the sun don’t shine, we’re going to enrich uranium and build rockets,” says Kling. “This takes us to Revelation 16:13 which will lead us to another major invasion of the Middle East by a world wide coalition of nations as we have seen twice before—and this will then take us to the war of Armageddon.”

“I’m not a religious nut,” justifies Kling. “I don’t preach religion—I have no need for it.” The prophecies in the Bible have no need for preaching when it comes to their predictive nature. According to Hotsenpiller, the Bible touts about a 90 percent accuracy rate, which pales in comparison to our current history books, which are bating closer to around 50 to 85 percent accuracy. “What is the likelihood that the Bible is truth,” poses Hotsenpiller, rhetorically. Continue reading →

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Celebrity Roast: Pamela Anderson

Posted on November 12, 2010 by Eric Leech

Pamela Anderson has been criticized since her stardom for her choice in men. Some critics claim that she falls in love too quickly like a glazed eye school girl, following her heart rather than looking at the reality of what a working relationship is supposed to be. Her Relationship with Tommy Lee began as one such school girl fairy tale. For those of you too young to remember Tommy Lee, he was the drummer and youngest member of the 80′s hair band, Motley Crue. Pam had only known Tommy four days before she married him. They met the day after Valentines Day, and were married February 19th of 1995. What better way to celebrate the month of love than with an impromptu marriage with a hard rocker who has tossed more groupies than Roseanne Barr has tossed Twinkie wrappers.

While most could have guessed the couple would never make it, Pamela claimed that she was never more happy and miserable at the same time when she was with Tommy. He was certainly a handful, as the couple could have practically had their own hit television show featured at the Los Angeles County Courthouse for the number of times they made an appearance there. Their first starring role was as a rambunctious honeymooning couple battling a pornographer for the sale of their X-rated honeymoon home video. A bit down the road, the couple became a tragic black comedy of domestic abuse, as Tommy pleaded “no contest” for striking Pamela during a fight over a frying pan of all things.

The climax to this non-fairytale-like relationship ended in the true fashion of a tragic drama when the custody of their two sons had to be decided over a whirlwind of accusations of abuse, alcohol, and lies. Tommy describes his relationship with Pamela best with his famous quote, “There’s always a storm cloud lurking in the distance, waiting to fu** up everything good and perfect.” While their relationship was certainly far from perfect, Pamela would agree with there being some good parts. She was rumored to have been in the midst of giving him a second, err, make that his third, fifth, seventh… or more like his 800th chance this summer. Quite frankly, I lost count at number five, but they were living together again and hinting that this may just be the 801st charm they needed.

But as their past would dictate, by the time this article is published they may have already been engaged, married, divorced, engaged again, married, reconciled, annulled, and then sleeping together casually. Pamela is taking her time to get to know Tommy the way she should have from the beginning. She appears to be waiting to see if he is going to go bipolar on her again, head spinning around, tattoos melting off his body, over some dilemma such as whether the cooking temperature of their Christmas bird should be taken from its neck or its a**. But for the sake of their kids, Brandon (11) and Dylan (10), we hope they can keep it together one day. But this may not be the year. Continue reading →

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Modern Wisdom: I Cried because I had no shoes…

Posted on November 4, 2010 by Eric Leech

Then I met a man who had no feet (but shoes).
I bought the shoes from him for 50 percent off the going price on eBay, and resold them on Craigslist for four times what I paid. I used the profits to purchase the best darn shoes ever made. They were custom embroidered, with the signatures of every great rock star who ever lived. Eventually a collector came along, and I sold them for millions of dollars and bought my own shoe company. I then used my wealth to marry the most beautiful woman, who has since divorced me, taking my company and the vast majority of my fortune.

Moral: It doesn’t matter what you do, you will always be shoeless and crying!

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20 Things You Didn't Know About Women… But Probably Should

Posted on October 30, 2010 by Eric Leech

While most men would like to think they have a pretty good grasp of the female species, most women would prefer to disagree. Here are 20 things research, surveys, and nerds in lab coats have uncovered over the years, that most of us men will likely benefit from knowing.

Urinary Tract Infections are Often Caused by an Unclean Guy…
If you don’t want a red light in the bedroom… wash your stuff! Enough said…

She Likes Porn, Too!
According to most studies, nearly 20 percent of all women are regular customers to porn, whether they’ll admit it or not. In 2006, a study at McGill University, monitored the genital temperatures of women who were subjected to various videos of the flesh. What they found, was despite the disinterest on their face while viewing these flicks, their temperature gauge told a different story. A story that spiked the Fahrenheit needle within the first 30 seconds of people getting naked. It took around 11 minutes for women to reach maximum arousal, but according to similar research, that’s about the same amount of time for a man. We’re not so different after all.

Most of Her Fantasies are Set Around You
According to surveys, most women in a relationship prefer fantasizing about their current partner (hot or not), than celebrities or imaginary characters on the cover of romance novels. This is quite the contrary to most men who regularly engage in fantasies about women other than their current partner. Interestingly, while the majority of American guys prefer ex-girlfriends, classmates, or co-workers to take the starring role of their fantasies, 25 percent of Canadian guys prefer fantasizing about an imaginary character, such as Jessica Rabbit or Barnie the Purple Dinosaur, while bumping an ugly.

If She Cuts the Night Short… She Might Really Need to Cut Something Else
Like the popular kids book, Everybody Poops, there is a new edition coming out soon for college guys, called, Everybody Farts. Depending on what she had for dinner, she might start filling up faster than a hot air balloon in the Mohave Dessert, and if she has no convenient place to release the pressure (far away from you), she might have to put an abrupt end to an otherwise perfect evening. This, however, does not mean that she didn’t have a good time, and should not effect your confidence to call her the next day.

Your Sexy When you Drive, Shave, Hold a Baby, and Wear a White T-Shirt
But not necessarily in that order. Even if you miss second gear, nick your chin, and the baby burbs green peas all over the white shirt, you’ll still be sexy-cool in their eyes!

If She Cheats, You Deserved it (at least in her mind)
Most guys cheat because they can, while women, according to studies, cheat because they feel entitled. A Toronto study on women cheaters found the majority (about 90 percent) who cheat on their boyfriend/husband feel no remorse or guilt. For one, these women believe emotional cheating (“I’m in love with my co-worker”) is much more inappropriate than a quick romp on the desk (“My co-worker is hot”). Studies at Marymount Manhattan College have shown, women tend to release themselves from the burden of guilt when their happiness is on the line. In other words, if their partner is not up to the job of making them happy, they feel entitled to find happiness, whether it means cheating for momentary pleasure, or as a catalyst to remove themselves from the current relationship. Continue reading →

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When Outsourcing Makes $Cent$ for Small Business

Posted on September 29, 2010 by Eric Leech

It’s just smart business to seek out easier, better, and more cost effective methods of running your company. And in an economic down cycle, streamlining and cutting the fat is more important than ever.

For decades, the following age-old words of wisdom have been passed down to future generations of entrepreneurs and business owners: A penny saved is a penny earned. But an even smarter lesson may sound something like this, “If you own a small business and you aren’t outsourcing, you’re going to struggle during a recession.”

Outsourcing is considered controversial for a number of reasons, but primarily because it has an infamous reputation for transferring jobs from American soil to other countries. But the more pressing issue, for small business, is whether they can afford to compete with big business — and carry on the country’s entrepreneurial spirit — using only their home turf, especially when the cost of American talent is so expensive.

The sad truth is, unlike the all-American game of baseball, home turf is rarely an advantage when you’re running a small business.

Rules of Thumb for Beginners

Victor Cheng, a former McKinsey consultant and current president of Bookmercial Productions, has outsourced more than 100 projects, including clerical work, Web site development, Web research, data entry, telephone duties, basic-level writing, and customer service. “Anything a big guy can outsource, a little guy can too,” says Cheng, who has sent projects to India, Romania, Poland, Argentina, Mexico, Russia, and the Philippines.

Cheng’s first experience with outsourcing began just five years ago, when he posted an ad for a part time assistant to do clerical work. But he was located in San Francisco, and all the candidates wanted between $25 and $35 an hour. “So I hired a team in India,” he says. “They offered to do it for $2 an hour. They were thrilled, and so was I.” Continue reading →

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Celebrity Roast: Heidi Klum

Posted on September 26, 2010 by Eric Leech

Born from a hairdresser and cosmetics executive on June 1, 1973 in Cologne, Germany, Heidi Klum’s choices in life were obviously not far from becoming a supermodel. It was either that or a fashion designer, but when was the last time you’ve seen a designer with a pair of hooters like that? Exactly, so she went the modeling route. She was actually initially tempted by a $300,000 modeling contract while in high school through a New York agency after sending in a few snapshots of herself.

She turned down the contract offer in order to receive her diploma and attend a fashion designer school instead. You hear that kiddies, stay in school! Heidi managed to stay there for almost a year, until that $300,000 started calling her name through the thin walls of her cheap dorm apartment. She packed up both hooters, a bottle of hair bleach, her baby teeth (we’ll explain later), and headed off to Miami, Florida to find her fame and fortune the old fashion way… billboard and runway intercourse, of course!

Heidi has lived a very interesting life. She was initially married at 23 to Ric Pipino, who was, you guessed it, a hairdresser. This old man proposed to her atop the Empire State Building and they were wed soon after. Ric was a good sport and agreed to several German wedding traditions, such as sawing a log in half with a two-handled blade and climbing a ladder to retrieve a wooden stork placed above the window of their bridal suite.

The German tradition of sawing the log in half was used to symbolize the couples life-long ability to work well together. The wooden stork, well, let’s just say was meant to guarantee Ric would be able to provide children from the ‘fruitiness’ of his loins. Neither tradition had any positive effect and it took Heidi five years to come to her senses to dump Ric for some better company. When she did, she made another poor choice and hooked up with the lead singer of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Anthony Keidis, and then formula-1 bad boy, Flavio Briatore. Continue reading →

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If a Man Cheats on His Wife in the Middle of a Forest…

Posted on September 22, 2010 by Eric Leech

With a camcorder, three prostitutes, and a curious squirrel… did it really happen?

Most unfaithful husbands seriously question the validity of such an action without a lawyer, the sworn word of the prostitutes, and a prenuptial agreement.

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Business Exit Strategy: A Tale of Three Families

Posted on September 20, 2010 by Eric Leech

The business exit strategy is like a Will to the private business owner. One of the most unpleasant catastrophes that can happen to any business and family is to go through a forced business liquidation because the owner had not taken the time to strategize an exiting plans before their untimely passing. Liquidation can offer as little as $0.20 on the dollar, leaving a family very little of the total estate, not to mention the taxes involved. When you leave your business, hopefully it is vertically (retirement, job change) rather than horizontally. There is no guarantees in life, except death and taxes, and at least one of these we actually have a little control of.

According to Hamilton Wright Investment Bankers, current statistics show that nearly eight percent of baby boomer’s have passed on to that big conglomerate in the sky. Out of the remaining 70 million, 12 million own corporations and only 20 percent of those are prepared to go with an exit strategy plan. That other 80 percent would lose sleep tonight if they thought about the tidbits of company value they would be leaving their family if they died tomorrow. The simple truth is that you better have a clear idea of a strategy within five to ten years before your exit or it could cost you and or your family big.

In 1990, Miami Dolphin owner and attorney, Joe Robbie, died unexpectedly; at least as unexpected as any seventy-three-year-old man could be considered. He passed that winter without a properly executed exiting plan and much of his estate ended up auctioned off at $0.32 on the dollar. As an educated servant to the law, Robbie should have known better, but his lack of proper planning resulted in a loss of $45 million in estate taxes for his family. Over the next four years, his families net worth dissolved along with their relations under the duress of financial burden. Feeling as if they had no other way to escape the downward spiral, the family haphazardly sold the one thing of value left in their position, the Miami Dolphins at a crushing loss.

Rags to riches is the American dream, but riches to rags can just as easily occur at the ceasing of a heart beat, but it doesn’t have to. The first thing that Robbie should have done, is create an exit strategy that directed his estate taxes through a life insurance and then secured a buyer for the team for a set amount of money for his wife and family. In addition, he could have limited any internal family feuds by creating “gifts” in the terms of property and ownership designated to individuals rather than lump them into one asset. There are many tricks of the trade to dealing with an exit strategy and one such expert who deals with this every day is Steve Beatty, Founder and President of InVEST Financial Solutions. Continue reading →

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The Evenings Are the Most Creative Part of My Day…

Posted on September 17, 2010 by Eric Leech

All I need after that is the urge to visit the can…
and that’s when the real magic starts to happen.

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What's better than the Hennessey Performance VelociRaptor 600?

Posted on September 14, 2010 by Eric Leech

A Hennessey VelociRaptor APV that you could drop a grenade under and still make it home for dinner in one piece.

Hennessey has released some details of its fully armored F-150 SuperCrew “War Wagon” that will be available in 2012. While not quit as tweaked as the VelociRaptor 600 with 622 horsepower, the supercharged 6.2-liter V-8 of the APV does get a tuner upgrade worthy of 575 horsepower. Combine that with its 6 to 8 seat configuration, satellite television, and high speed Internet access, and road rage never looked so appropriately delicious!

(Photo via Hennessey Performance Vehicles)

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